Some Selected New Year’s Resolutions of the Federal Judiciary

Alex Kozinski, Chief Judge of the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit:

Write at least one opinion in which every word is a contraction

United States Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts:

On June 29, at precisely 6:30 a.m., move part in hair from left side of head to the right side; change it back moments later

United States Supreme Court Associate Justice Sandra Day O’Connor (retired):

Track down John Riggins; tell him to “loosen up”

Guido Calabresi, Senior Judge, United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit:

Climactic showdown with 101-year-old Ron Coase atop the Eiffel Tower

United States Supreme Court Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy:

Finally receive “SWNGVOT” personalized license plate from the Washington, DC, Department of Motor Vehicles


If any of you have heard of any other judge’s resolution, please feel free to relate it in the comments below.

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1 Response

  1. Joe says:

    Roberts needs to write another hard boiled mystery style opinion and have each justice write at least one a term in the style of their choice. Thomas, e.g., can write one in the style of a 18th Century pamphleteer, Kagan can go full blown colloquial, Scalia/Ginsburg can co-write it opera style, Alito can do it Jersey Shore style, etc.