Martha Ertman has always been an original — in the way she crafts her legal scholarship and the way she lives her life. Love’s Promises brings the two together in compelling fashion. It starts with Martha’s visit to a fertility clinic in (of all places) Salt Lake City, where she and Victor arrange for artificial insemination and plan for the child they will have together — as a gay man and a lesbian. Over the course of the book, they enter into new relationships and Martha eventually marries Karen all while she and Victor reaffirm their commitment to the child. Their story is a fascinating read in itself — how will they do it, what happens when each enters into new partnerships, how will they reconcile their family with Martha’s Unitarian traditions, Victor’s Southern Christian roots, and Karen’s Jewish heritage, and how do they manage to raise a child together with a father who lives in Texas, two mothers in Washington, D.C., teaching stints in Seattle and summers in Provincetown? It can’t possibly work, can it? And even if a talented trio such as Martha, Victor and Karen pull it off, what does it have to do with the law?
The book’s answer is that it says a lot about the law — about the use of both formal contracts and what Martha calls unenforceable “deals” to structure family life. It also explores the law’s limits, but in ways that still makes contracts — and other individually negotiated arrangements — central to emerging definitions of family life.
The book’s publication, the month before the much-anticipated Supreme Court opinion, shows how far we have come in creating and recognizing many different kinds of families. And Love’s Promises gives important validation not just to different kinds of families, but to different kinds of arrangements within families that reflect how adults choose to live their lives. The how-to manual aspects of the book really provide a useful template that should foster more reflection as people enter and seek to preserve intimate relationships. Encouraging people to sign off on their mutual understandings at the get-go (Martha uses lots of idioms in the book, part of what give the book its wonderfully approachable flavor) should help them down the road when those mutual understandings falter. Read More