Some Selected New Year’s Resolutions of the Federal Judiciary

Alex Kozinski, Chief Judge of the United States Court of Appeals for the Ninth Circuit:

Write at least one opinion in which every word is a contraction

United States Supreme Court Chief Justice John Roberts:

On June 29, at precisely 6:30 a.m., move part in hair from left side of head to the right side; change it back moments later

United States Supreme Court Associate Justice Sandra Day O’Connor (retired):

Track down John Riggins; tell him to “loosen up”

Guido Calabresi, Senior Judge, United States Court of Appeals for the Second Circuit:

Climactic showdown with 101-year-old Ron Coase atop the Eiffel Tower

United States Supreme Court Associate Justice Anthony Kennedy:

Finally receive “SWNGVOT” personalized license plate from the Washington, DC, Department of Motor Vehicles

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If any of you have heard of any other judge’s resolution, please feel free to relate it in the comments below.



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1 Response

  1. Joe says:

    Roberts needs to write another hard boiled mystery style opinion and have each justice write at least one a term in the style of their choice. Thomas, e.g., can write one in the style of a 18th Century pamphleteer, Kagan can go full blown colloquial, Scalia/Ginsburg can co-write it opera style, Alito can do it Jersey Shore style, etc.