Tea Partier New Year’s Resolutions
Heard around town amid the blizzard, some top New Year’s Resolutions Tea Party members are considering this year.
1. Get education by home schooling or charter schools, not public schools—skip the Department of Education at all governmental levels.
2. Buy all medicine in Canada, not in the United States—skip the Food and Drug Administration and government-sanctioned patent laws.
3. Never fly commercial—take only charter flights and beat not only the crowds but the Federal Aviation Administration.
4. Buy all guns in interior states—minimize oversight by the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco and Firearms.
5. Conduct all political activities using a 501(c) to avoid public disclosure of political activity and regulation by the Federal Election Commission.
6. Submit all legal disputes to binding private arbitration—never use public courts.
7. Take advantage of all off-shore opportunities, especially tax shelters, to minimize payments to the Internal Revenue Service.
8. Raise financial capital using private equity, not an IPO—skip regulation by the Securities and Exchange Commission.
9. Use off-balance sheet financing as much as possible—skip adherence to statements of the Financial Accounting Standards Board.
10. Guard US citizenship jealously—subject immigrants to strict oversight and law enforcement by the U.S. Border Patrol.
Privatizing life has never been easier!